Monday, October 10, 2011

WHERE YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO



Christmas Dinner prepared by my mother all by herself. Now she's exhausted, but happy.

How often has she sung to all of us, mostly the songs of Zion.

We now see through a glass darkly.

John 21:18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”
Love

We are mourning these days. My mother insisted on returning to Sauda, even though she knew it meant she had to spend some time at a home for elderly. She so badly wanted treatment for her feet, her left side broken hip,and her right side sprained ankle, and it must be trained by her special physiotherapist, Ton. That was her firm conviction.
My mother's favourite landscape, Jaeren.

Tonight she is where she always said she doesn't want to end, and she does not feel happy at all, her voice sounded tiny and scared.
We therefore are sad, the whole family.
"When one limb is aching, the whole body is hurting."
Sharing secrets.

I woke up six this morning. Listening for the bumping sound of the roller. It is not longer here, nor the sound of the early nurses, chatting friendly a with my Mom as they carefully wake her up.
I need not get up to make her special breakfast or light candles in the kitchen.
I cannot sleep any more, so I steal out of bed anyway.
My Mom's waffles still are the best.

I have been reading a lot about angels lately. Both in the old and new testament there are lots of stories about how the servants of God are sent out to protect and bless the children of the Almighty.

I can feel your hand in mine

Psalm 91:11
" For He will give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways."
Dear God, please send at least one to watch over my mother, night and day."

We've "seen to" many family graves throughout the years.
It has been a part of growing up.

18 comments:

John Cowart said...

Hi Felisol,

This powerful posting represents the solemn state of your heart. Thank you.

As I grow older myself, I wonder about my own future, about finances, about health care, etc. But mostly I wonder about when to quit doing what.

All my activities are temporary. I realize that. But somehow I want to press on and keep doing the stuff I did when I was younger.

Thank you for depicting this stage in your mother's life. She is an inspiration... as are you.

John Cowart

Leora said...

I hope your angel is helping you out. Love seeing you and your mother - beautiful relationship.

Take care, be well.

Terry said...

dearest felisol...i have been wondering and wondering how you have been doing and wondering how your saturday went and i feel so bad that mom ljung has to now spend time at a nursing home..i know how bad you feel because i know how mom golden hopes that she will never have to go there....and yet sometimes it can't be helped.
your prayers for your mom are being heard and the lord will surely have angels all around your dear mom besides himself too...such dear pictures you have here of you and her..you have been close to her and she cared for you faithfully in your growing up years and even till just lately and you and gunnar and serina and kel now care for her faithfuly in the last few years and you will have no regrets...you have done your utmost!..please give her a gentle hug from me..oh!..her poor aching body and oh! your poor aching body too felisol.....love terry

Colleen said...

Oh Felisol, please know my heart goes out to you and your family. I am praying for you all and for your mother. The photos you share are beautiful...the pleasure and joy you take in each others company really shines through.

Love to you today.

Connie in Japan said...

Praying for you and your family. Your post was very heartwarming and sad at the same time. God Bless you sister. Praying for your mum.

Sonja said...

Dear Felisol:

I can hear the pain in your words, and I feel it with you.I've told you how much your mother reminds me of my mother, and I remember those days with her.

This I know... he is not only going to 'give His angels charge over her', God Himself is right there in her room, and keeping her safe under His wings. She is His precious child. I am praying for her every day, and for you as well. It hurts.

xo

Amrita said...

Dear Felisol,

I am sad to read this , but mother is in good hands - where she will be taken care of night and day.

In my mother the eldery have no such care and they and their families have to struggle.

I can understand how you all miss each other. Your family is close and caring.

Like John I too wonder about my old age. I ask God not to give me a long life. I want to die halthy

Your photos are beautiful

Steve E said...

Yes. When do I stop driving, riding my scooter? (Never?--grin!)
When to say "No!" that is the hardest part of 'old' for me. And it has to do also with Pride (the sinful kind!).
Difficult to "Let Go" and that is nothing new.

You have raised so many thoughts here, Felisol. That's not a criticism, it is a THANK YOU!

Bless you.
Bless your mother.
Bless all our angels! Mine is names Flex--for "Flexible"!

Mrs. Mac said...

My heart aches for you dear Felisol. A father and mother are such anchors in life .. and yours were strong and dependable. Now the role changes and you must be strong for her. I praise God that you have the Good Book for direction, comfort and promise.

Grace over grace.

Love,

Cathy

Trish said...

Dear Felisol...as I wipe tears from my eyes, I too rejoice. What a beautiful Post of love.
I am praying for you and your sweet mother. She is not alone...
Jesus is there.

Jada's Gigi said...

Ah dear sister....angels are indeed all around you and your sweet mom. Praying for you all every day...promise....hugs to you...and may the God of all comfort enfold you in His loving arms.

Ann said...

Hi Felisol,

Enjoy your time with your mum. There is a saying, in time, you become your mum's mum, and she your daughter.

Diane said...

Dearest Felisol,

My hearts aches for you. Having just said "see you again soon" to my own Daddy, I understand the pain you are feeling right now. Please know I am praying for you and for your precious Mother. I love you dear sister of my heart.


Many hugs...........


Diane

Crown of Beauty said...

Dear Felisol,
What a post full of love, warmth, and beautiful memories.

It must pain your heart so, to see your mom go...

There are times when we need to allow ourselves not to be so strong... and I know you wish you could have her around in your home longer - to show love to, and to care for.

I do feel for you in this season, my dear friend.

Yes, God will surely surround her with His hedge of protection. May your heart , and hers, be at peace. May there be acceptance with joy, not grudgingly.

May your heart fully trust in God our loving Father.

Much love
Lidia

Debbie said...

Felisol, so sorry to learn of your mom's condition. My mother-in-law fell and broke her hip several months ago. It takes so much out of them as they are older. But she is actually doing well and back home with a walker.

I remember when my mom was failing in her health. It was so hard to see this happen to her. But she was a wonderful example to me.

blessings and love,
Debbie

Annie said...

Dearest Elise,

This heartache is so raw; it never really heals. As I read this, it is like yesterday with my mom.

I am amazed at her personal strength that she would make this choice for herself so that she could get a particular kind of care she needed. How lonely it must be for all of you.

Bless Gunnar and his sensative heart that he takes such good care of you during this hard time. May the moon always be full above you and yours.

Love,
Annie

Roan said...

What a wonderful mother you have. I know it is hard not to be with her, hopefully soon. I have been out of town and having internet issues, but wanted to check to see if there was a post about your mother. Hopefully she will heal and be back with you. Take care. Sending prayers.

shirley said...

I so enjoyed reading your blog and seeing the love between you and your mother. Blessings to you
Shirley in Virginia