Sunday, October 07, 2007

RESTLESS FAREWELL

Kris Kristofferson is also one of my guys.
Tonight I'm moody cause Serina is leaving tomorrow, and this song came to my mind.
Guess he's describing another kind of love than I'm feeling.
But love is love and parting is cruel in all kinds of relationships.
"One never gets used to the pain of farewell," my Mom says and this fall it's 49 years since I left home to study.
If sorrow is the price of love, I'll manage to pay.

COME SUNDOWN

I heard the front door closing softly,
as I wakened from my sleep;
With the last touch of her lips,
Lord,like a whisper on my cheek;
And I cursed the sun for risin',
'cause the worst, Lord,
was yet to come;
'Cause this morning, she's just leavin',
but, come sundown,
she'll be gone.

See the lipstick on the pillow that
I placed beneath her head;
And the soft sheets still feel warm,
Lord,where she lay upon my bed;
And it hurts to know it's over,
for the hurt, Lord, has just begun.

'Cause this morning,
she's just leavin'
but, come sundown,
she'll be gone.

Parting

My life closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me,
So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.

Emily Dickinson





28 comments:

Pilot Mom said...

Felisol, what a beautiful picture of Serina! I love it!

I will be going throught the same thing shortly. Pilot is coming home on the 15th of October and only staying a week.

Ahhh...we mothers of only children...(((Felisol)))...

Terry said...

But Felisol..I thought that Serina was staying for five weeks!
Oh, I can hardly stand it.
I feel and see the sadness in you three kindred spirits.
Oh, I really think I can understand why the Lord did not give Bernie and me children.
I think that my heart would be breaking when they finally left the nest!
My heart is breaking for you!

Oh my Felisol...I will be surely praying for you and Gunner and Serina during the night...Love Terry

Christmas is only a couple of months away Felisol...Love Terry

Jim said...

Hi Felisol! God made you to have Serina and to let her go. :-).
So wish her well. She will always love you, her Mum.

She is looking really good, isn't she. I hope she is feeling that much better too.
..
BTW, we hurt sometimes with our Karen, but she is making it just fine.
Didn't she look good with us when she went to Scotland with us for the first week?
..

Felisol said...

Dear Pilot Mom,
Hugs to you too and to Pilot Dad and Pilot when he 's coming.
I should not complain, really. I don't have to send my daughter away to an unsafe or dangerous place. I am lucky for her when she gives good and optimistic reports. I know she's making a life of her own and a life of her special goals.
......
Now we have driven Serina to the nearest railway station, six hours turn/return, and waved goodbye as she set off on her cross country night train journey.
Ugh. Tough.
She'll be at her school half past six tomorrow morning.
God bless us all and good night.
Felisol

Felisol said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Saija said...

:o(
my 80 year old aunt says she still misses her kids, now that they are gone (and 2 of them are grandparents!!) ...

like terry, we never had children, so i can only imagine your sadness - but my heart breaks for you all ...

may the time go by quickly and in a joyful manner, as you wait to be together again as a family ...

Felisol said...

Dear Terry and Saija,
do you know what?
I don't think mother's are better "lovers" (misunderstand me rightly)
than women who haven't given birth.
I've seen so many varieties of motherhood in my life and in my profession, that I simply don't believe myths.
I don't only refer to drug addicts or alcoholics, but look around you and count how many women have sacrificed their owns children for a carrier, for looks, for adultery, for not being what they expected ("oh, I hope it is a girl, oh,I'm so tired, my baby will not sleep, oh, it's the same what I get, as long as it is healthy and well...." The list goes on and on.
As if disabled children do not have the same creator, or can be valued by looks, intelligence, gender..
But children, they seem to be able to love their mothers through thick and thin (be it biologic or foster moms).
If I should involve God in the motherhood issue, (and I tend to involve Him in everything) I would point out that the majority of women without "birth children" to my knowledge are persons more capable of caring, sacrificing and loving than the average woman.
My sister in law has two adopted children, has had four foster children and even her private kindergarten. She's as devoted as anyone I know of, even as a grandmother of her previous foster children.
She's not unique.
I could have mentioned so many more.
The gift and power of love is God given, not a gene.
I had worked with children and adults for twenty years before I was given Serina as a bonus.
I always thought, as do my brother, I know, that the needs were so huge that I never would run out of work or tasks.
No, I did not plan to get pregnant, and while I was pregnant the only thing I knew was that children come without a guarantee or return right.
I had so prepared myself for everything, that got a joy shock when I looked in to that perfect, wonderful face of my daughter.
She was mine(and Gunnar's) to care for, to upbring, to pray for, to pour over all the love I have and even some more, and in due time, let go.
Maybe that's the gift of motherhood, one is allowed to give love of one's full heart. And the price; giving them wings fly and be the safe nest to which they always can return.
I don't know if I have made myself clear. It's early in morning and my head still is spinning around.
Guess I'll post it anyway, hoping to be understood.
Yours Felisol

Terry said...

Dear Felisol
Oh this is all so beatuiful!
Sometimes when I get up in the middle of the night and check the Pals and then click on to "On The Far side Of The Sea", I get such a treat!

Have you ever heard of David Ring?
He was born with Cerebral Palsey.
He was saved while a teenager and when he grew older he became a preacher,
Well when he hears that statement that you mention here, "I don't really care if it is a boy or a girl, as long as it it healthy",
well, David says in his shaky voice, "I am glad that my Mama didn't believe in that!
Look at me! I have cerebral palsey.
And let me tell you... I am 100 per cent a mama's boy!
Yes, I have cerebral palsey.
Now...What's YOUR problem?"

When David fell in love and got married, people, some of even his own family told him that it would never work out and that he should never even THINK of having children.
Well have children he did and all four of them are just beautiful!
When people look at him and hear him say that he has children so many have asked without even thinking,"Were your children born normal?" to which David laughingly answers, "Well now I dunno know. What's normal"?


Feliso, here is an excerpt from his web site...

"Few individuals have felt the crushing blows that have besieged David Ring since birth. He was born to lose. On October 28th, 1953, in Jonesboro, Arkansas, David was born with Cerebral Palsy. Orphaned at age 14, he was cast about from family to family with nowhere to call home. He endured constant physical pain, humiliating public ridicule and constant discouragement. Yet in the face of these seemingly insurmountable obstacles, David emerged not victimized……but victorious! Life was worse than hopeless to him until his relationship began with Jesus Christ who taught him self-respect and acceptance of his physical challenges. To most, physical challenges of this magnitude would prove to be a tombstone. For David Ring, this coming of age was and remains a milestone.
You’ve never heard a speaker quite like David Ring. Although difficult to understand at first, you will soon find yourself captured by his quick wit and warm personality."

Oh your post has brought back memories Felisol.
I used to listen to the preaching of David Ring all the time. I have several of them on video tape.
Ha!! One of his favourite sayings my Felisol is, "God never says "Oops!".

You have poured out your very soul in this post Felsiol.
Do you really, I mean REALLY realize how you have helped and encouraged me tonight?
Naw, I don't have any children. Saijs doesn't have any children, but look Felisol, we are both willing to be sharing the heart break that you are having, saying "so long" to Princess Serina again for a little while..
Christmas will be here sooner than you can imagine!.......Love Terry

David Ring's web site is davidring.org
In the introduction, you can hear him talking.
There is also a portrait of his lovely family that you will see there...

hebrews 11:1 said...

Here's a song for you and Serina...a country song...

Lonestar - One More Day Lyrics

Last Night I had a crazy dream
Wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished for one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

[Oh one more day]

First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone, and keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second, say a million I Love You's
Thats what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day....
Leave me wishing still, for one more day....
Leave me wishing still, for one more day....
With you

[Oh... One more day]

God bless you all dearly,
LPP

Terry said...

Dear Felisol...
I hope eeverything is fine with you and Gunnar.
Today seems such a low day for me.
Every so often it hits me.
I really hope everything is going well for you guys....love Terry

Felisol said...

Dear LPP,
I liked your country song, it kind of caught my mood.
Thank you, friend.
Dear Terry,
yepp, I've been a little bit under, but then the Lord gave him a real bad toothache, and my perspective changed. (Guess I'm going to have that tooth removed in one way or the other at the dentist's tomorrow.)
He certainly works in mysterious ways, our creator.
Today I've been out on a wonderful girlfriendly hike. Four hours of sharing, walking, talking, sweating really help against anything except for the "bull fright".
There were eight huge and load mouthed animals on the other side of a tiny fence, roaring their heart out, waiting to get slaughtered, I think.
My heart and my feet sped up to fifth gear as passed the beasts.
I prayed, "Dear Jesus, let them be gone when we return on our way home!" and I was heard!!

Have you taken on too much work for a long while now, Terry?
It seems to me you always are the responsible one that all are depending on.
You have to make some space for yourself in your own life, girlie. Even Jesus went away from the others on several occasions.
Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
I'd also like to hear what the doctor says about your falling. You were to run some tests this month.
I pray that you're being well looked after and that the answers of the tests will be of some help.
I pray that you'll get some time to be relaxed and happy.
You certainly deserve that.
Give my best to Bernie and Dad Golden.
((((hugs))))
Felisol

hebrews 11:1 said...

Dear Mrs.Ljung,

I just saw your comment on Pals...what time is it there??

How is your health?

Praise the Lord, I feel better all the time. Now I am just worn out from walking hard and not taking enough supplements ;)

Love,
LPP

Felisol said...

Dear LPP,
now it's o3.34 in the morning.
I'm going to bed and have some more sleep, soon.
Glad you are feeling better, and you know you have to be accurate taking your vitamins and food supply.
It's bad, isn't it that come industrialized food does not contain sufficient nutrition.
Take care, please. Hugs from Felisol

Terry said...

Dear Felisol.
Yes the doctor did run tha tests amd everything is OK. I just don't know why but sometimes I get into the depths of despair and it takes a little while before I can get out of them.

I hope that Serina is doing well and you and Gunnar and Liv...Love Terry

Amrita said...

I am so touched to see how attatched you are to Serina and you have a special relationship with her, i wish i had it with my Mom

Felisol said...

Dear Amrita,
Yes I love Serina "higher than the sky" we use to syy. That does not mean we never have falling outs, or that I, being the grown up, unwantingly hurt her. Because that happens and it makes me feel ashamed. That can also sometimes be the situation between my mother and me, and then i feel incredibly sorry again, because I'm younger and stronger and I know in my heart and from experience that my mother will tear down brick walls with her bare hands to rescue me.
Well I have an only child to pour all my love over. My mother only have one daughter to give her love, and one son whom we both love.
What I'm saying is, it's easier when we are fewer to kind of compete for love.
Where there are many siblings, thee will be less of everything, time, money, special feelings, strength.
I've seen it many times. And it hurts, because every child is unique and has its special needs.
I dearly hope you can find one person who can receive all the love and tenderness you have inside of you.
Love is the only thing that multiplies by sharing.
My best from Felisol

Terry said...

Dear Felisol
Even though Mom Golden had nine children, she had no favourites and she bestowed on each one of us her full love. [and discipline, I might add].
I will never forget one day there was one of mom's friends visiting mom in the ktchen.
Mom, it seemed was always in the kitchen or in the laundrey room or in the hospital having another baby!
Well my little sister Sandra was with mom and mom's friend.
That friend had two boys at home and she was bragging how she would always take the time to play baseball or football with her kids.
"It is VERY important Edna to make and take the time for your children!"
Mom looked a little bit hurt at this and then she felt Sandra'a little arms around her and she was saying in her sweet childish voice, albeit a little ANNOYED childish voice " MY mom makes us cookies and all kinds of good things to eat!"
My mom's heart was soothed and her face broke out into a smile and that lady friend looked a little bit ashamed.
Sadly to say, that mother of mine thoroughly spoiled each of her nine children.
And then woould you believe it my Felisol, when THIS daughter got married ,she told Bernie, "Now you better put your foot down right away because I am warning you now that Terry is very spoiled!!"
For sure and the nerve!!!
Good grief!!!!
Love Terry

hebrews 11:1 said...

Mrs. Shirkie,

I liked the story...uh, both of them! ;)

Hi, Mrs Ljung! Love to you!

God bless you,
LPP

Felisol said...

Dear Terry,
I might just think that you have a wonderful mother like this, how else could a beautiful soul like yours grow in her garden??

I think the fourtyniners were born in the best of all times.
The tone was optimistic, in Norway was hectic new building after five years of occupation.
In Sauda the 6000 inhabitants were working together to build new houses, colleagues and neighbors joining in with a helping hand.
Most women were housewives "only".
They were working 24.7 to cook, clean and sew and knit clothes.
We didn't have a TV set until 1965, the mountains were too high for the signals to reach through.
Because nobody had it, we did not miss it. Not a second.
Of course we were spoiled too.
My mother took care of everything,- except for the washing up after dinner.
She did not like that, and was probably exhausted as well, so my brother had I that little chore.
Maybe that's why I still don't have a dishwasher,- it's children's work.
I remember my parents sitting together with a cup of coffee after the dessert, (there always would be homemade soups and desserts with the dinner)talking peacefully together about adult stuff, what work needed to be done, what had happened during their different days etc.
Without really being aware of it, that's a tradition I've passed on.
Not the homemade three course dinner, but the coffee and talking.
But my mother only had two kids to care for (and the neighbor kids who always would be welcome in).
I wonder how your mother could manage to actually spoil nine!
I'd like to be there midst among that wonderful bunch.
God bless you and your family, Terry. Have a good and Godly weekend.
Yours Felisol

Good hug back to Lil Pilgrim Pal

Terry said...

Oh Felisol...What a heartwarming story!
I will come back later on today and just read it again amd savour it just as your mom and dad savoured their coffee!

But now I just want to tell you that Pilot-dad is not feeling well again and Claire wants us to pray for him..

How I miss Passing-thru with his nightly prayer request lists.
Sometimes we really need that because sometimes I forget about different ones to pray for and that is not nice.

Thanks my precious friend and sister...Love Tery

hebrews 11:1 said...

Speaking of PT,when is he coming back? I would write-up a list, but honestly I don't even have time to be on here now...I have about 10 hrs. (or so it seems) of newspaper editing/graphics/layout to do today, and there aren't enough hours...oh, and did I say I am so exhausted I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, but the later I stay, the more workI have to catch up on!!! And no time for naps, either! Sorry if I sound like I'm complaining....
Love,
LPP

Amrita said...

Thanks for dropping by Felosol
I did some research and found out that the following Indians did receive the Nobel prize
1913 Tagore...Literature
1930 CV Raman...Physics
1968 H Khurana ...medicine
1979 Mother Teresa...Peace Prize
1983 S Chandrashekar...Physics
1998 Amartya Sen...Economics

Good list

Felisol said...

Dear Amrita,
it's an impressive list.
Still I think Mahatma Ghandi should have been grated the peace award.
I do like that the Indians honour him every year, it's a sign of pride of a man who won his country's freedom without firing a single bullet.
Oh, we've still got a long way to go to find his match.
Ghandi is being honoured through books and an Oscar rewarded movie, and he has a place in all history books, even the one used in primary school.
A reward may be bought or granted by cowards, but time is the best judge of our deeds.
From Felisol

Jim said...

Hi Felisol -- I could do some recipes. They may be on Mrs. Jim's computer or I could scan/copy them.

I was wondering how the tooth is coming along? Did you have to have it pulled? Does it still hurt you?

One of the golfers lost his ball yesterday. It would cost two strokes if he didn't find it. This was a play-off hole in a tournament so it probably lost for his team.
Those fellows with the long pants are our golf pros, they may have been called on to say this was a 'man-made' hazzard that wouldn't cost any strokes to play another ball.

Yes, that is a good way to have a nice dinner. We get to know some other folks that way too. One couple was brand new to us, another we had met before, the 'C' couple are our friends.
Dining groups are chosen to make different folks each for of the four meals. We make new friends that way, but also we know more than half the people around here.

I hope you are feeling better now.
..

Terry said...

Dear Felisol..Thank you so much for praying for Dad Golden, your prayer child.
When he phoned this morning, he tried to sound cheerful, but I think that he is worried.
I am too Felisol..I just can't help it!...Love Terry

Terry said...

Dear Felisol
Thanks for your visit..
I hope you have a good time with your mom...
Thanks for staying on line anyway with the Lord even though you will be off line from the internet!
See you when you get back.
I must say that we shall miss you...Love Terry

Dad Golden feels like he is a privileged man with all you as his praying friends and that he is your prayer child..

Jim said...

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Been missing you. So, just in case you're checking your comments, this little song is here for you.
I hope everything is ok and your visit is wonderful.
..

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

..

Judas Hate said...

Takker De Elise.

I am very sorry for you and Gunnar that little Serina is gone from your home.
I wish I could offer some words of advice or comfort, but this is something I have not had to deal with yet, so I have no experience there.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

Oh, and here's the link you asked for. www.thestoreofstores.com . There's not nearly as much there that used to be, but still some nice things.

kjærlighet,

Justin