Saturday, February 18, 2012


The romantic favourite poet from my youth, Yeats, wrote many a soul wrecking, heartbreaking verse. Although he was an Irish Nobel prize winner, he's listed as English in the Oxford Pocketbook of English Verse. The nationalist writing rebel, lover of wild Lady Gregory, co-founder of the Abbey Theatre, now resting under Ben Bulben.
He set words to the one thing people should not do to each other.

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

I have faced all kinds of illness, poverty, deaths, losses, scattered hopes for oh, so many years. I'm still here. A weak spot though, having my dreams mocked; how small, inferior and childish they may seem. Get off my cloud!
I admit I'm being human and vulnerable.
If I replace the word Jew with the word Christian, I can make Shylock's words in his speech to the Doge in Venice to mine.

I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands,
organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same
food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases,
heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter
and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If
you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?
And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the
rest, we will resemble you in that.
(The Merchant Of Venice Act 3, scene 1, 58-68)

So, I'm human. I don't like to write about that. I try to do like Abraham: count stars when the sky is dark. To not see how many descendants I shall have, but simply to get things in perspective. Most of the time that is very effective. After all I have been more blessed than 90 % of the world's population. Some times I have to admit, I'm blind to that, because so have most of my equals.
My dear brother sometimes compares me to Lucy in the Peanuts. He may have a vague point there.

Lucy: We critical people are always being criticized!( Charles Schultz)

I've had some weird experiences after my two cataract operations this year. No, I don't have a 20 - 20 sight, but a 14- 9 is a vast improvement. Not only do I see better, I sit and walk differently too. Being my old grumpy self, I ask, why wasn't this done years ago? No use in looking back. I need stretching forwards. I need to enjoy the holy moments of peace even more.

"Every beauty which is seen here by persons of perception resembles more than anything else that celestial source from which we all are come." Michelangelo

I used to say, "I can read anything, if I only get it close enough. The small print in my Bible was a piece of cake. Now I have to adjust my eyes as well as my movements and my brain, where all movements begins, according to my physiotherapist. The other day I just needed a word of comfort. I looked up randomly in my Bible (which is not recommended) and as I started spelling word by word, the familiar text got a new and extended meaning. I laughed from joy.

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

I am not the only one seen. My mother in hospital, my brother bedridden from migraine, Serina in Dublin, Gunnar by my side, Ruby and Amrita who just lost their mothers, my dear Dad Golden, Nathan, Lidia with all her responsibilities, Debbie and Sonja, they are all seen and equally cared for by our common creator, God Almighty! Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand. I can unload, indeed, I can rest, little ant that I am.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Christmas is over and all the disturbing clutter boxed away in the attic. Amidala is trying out "various positions" at any available space. Our dining tables are definitely off limit and she accepts that, at least when we are present.

Well, here she enjoyed peace and quiet on the chest of drawers in the hallway, and I came with my disturbing camera. Even though I don't use flash light, there are some small lights indicating that the camera is about to click. Not funny having ones cat dreams enlightened. Most of them are about successful, sinister night hunting, if I'm right. I usually am... Being right is my prerogative, since I can talk, and my destiny, since I say so much that should rather remain a secret.

For a split second after I knew I had trodden into a hilarious cat dream, my attention was to my camera and how to shoot her upcoming reactions. Too late. Boom, crash, my old heirloom, the mini chandelier with crystal prisms was crushed and several of the dangling toys broken . To this day I have not had the strength to try fixing it.

Amidala jumped down from her dreaming place and looked very annoyed, as if I was to blame. And maybe she was partly true.

Gattina from cats on Tuesday is hosting this meme. Visit her.